Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
