Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
