if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
