Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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