I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
