He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
