So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
