Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
