Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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