If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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