NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Randomize
