I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
