When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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