O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
