if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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