cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
