i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
