She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
