please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
