3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
