So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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