i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
