you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
