I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
