So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
