I'm gonna have a badass scar
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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