i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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