I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
