my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
