I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
