3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
