my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
