I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
