something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
