So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
