After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
