the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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