Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
