is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
