ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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