come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
