thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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