I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
