to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
