i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
