I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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