i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
