I showed him my bush... on skype.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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