Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
