I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
