At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
