first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
